My phone has a unicorn problem. It’s getting out of hand. In fact, it has only ever been completely out of hand. Trouble is, I kind of like it. It’s darkly entertaining.
My contract was up in January and I should really get a new phone. The iphone X is shite. It does all sorts of things seemingly of its own accord, and one of these is to send unicorns during conversations at the most inappropriate moments.
It only ever does it when it really shouldn’t.
Like if I have a WhatsApp group that’s to do with some work, and I’m speaking to a group of people about something quite serious, and I’ve never met any of them in real life.
Or when someone tells me their partner just broke up with them.
Or the morning I was added to a group chat by someone who was supposed to be having a few of us round for dinner. He began the chat by telling us he’d have to cancel as he’d just spent the night in the cells. Before I had a chance to say anything, my phone sent a unicorn with a love heart.
Fuck’s sake.
The thing is, it never does it at REALLY awful times. Like if someone’s terminally ill or something. So there’s always an element of it that I can’t help but laugh at. To the point where I’ve actually wondered if maybe somehow I’m doing it myself. Like I’ve figured out some kind of weird swipe that causes a unicorn, and I do it out of some insane subconscious mischief.
Turns out, though, I’m not the only one. A few months ago, someone sent me a unicorn, and it turns out that their phone does it too.
I should get a new phone. I will sort of miss the unicorns.