The other day I made someone chuckle because they said something about feminists and I apparently pulled a face of disgust.
“So you’re not a feminist, then?” my friend asked, laughing.
“God no!” I said.
This kind of response from me is usually either met with amusement or horror, so I feel I should maybe explain…
I believe, obviously, that everyone should be given equal opportunities, but I think that, in the UK, at this point in time, people are – or at the very least, discrimination here and now is not based on gender.
Obviously, the gender pay gap is a thing, and it needs to be addressed, but I think it may at least in a lot of cases, be down to what people ask for in the first place – and that men have tended, for whatever reason, to ask for higher salaries.
I don’t say this based on nothing. For a short time I worked for a large corporation, and after I’d left I ended up discussing salaries with a guy who had been on my team. We’d been on the same level, doing the same kind of work, but it turned out I’d been getting paid a lot more than him… Because I’d asked for more.
I don’t deny that sexism happens, and that there must be a reason why men generally have more confidence about asking for higher salaries, but I think this is something that runs deeper, and is possibly related to the way that children are brought up to perceive themselves and their roles in life as men and women, and that, I think does need addressing.
When I say everyone should have equal opportunities, I mean that on all levels. Encouraging different interests and behaviours in children based on their gender is not something I agree with.
As a child, I was largely left to my own devices and as a result I think that has made me look at things differently as an adult. I don’t know what it is, but I can genuinely say that I have never felt discriminated against – or in favour of. I’ve just cracked on.
I remember a while back someone I knew quite well doing a shout out asking for a female DJ to replace a girl on his line up at the last minute, and I said to my mate ‘I hate that kind of thing, but I do wonder why he didn’t just ask me?’
‘Probably because people don’t really see you as a female DJ’ said my mate. ‘They just see you as a DJ.’
Similarly, a while back a girl I knew was talking about sexism and I said to her that I’d never really felt discriminated against and she said ‘Yeah, that’s probably because you have this weirdly asexual quality.’ Could have been a massive insult I guess, but I didn’t take it that way, because I saw what she meant.
I also find ‘positive discrimination’ 1) unfair – everything should always be on merit alone and 2) quite cringe.
I was very happy to hear Craig Richard’s response to a question about this at Inner City Electronic last year. He was asked something about women DJs and there being an equal balance and he replied with something like ‘I hate stuff like that’ and said ‘I book people’ and that he books them because they’re good, and that alone.
The other side of it that I find quite annoying is the whole women being regarded as sex objects thing. I mean, everyone objectifies everyone, and they also don’t. It depends on the context and it’s a natural human instinct and it’s also a bit of fun.
I hate it when there’s some big ugly woman shouting about how offensive page three is. Page three is the only thing in The Sun that ISN’T offensive.
A few years ago I was seeing a guy and we were out having a drink and some other guy grabbed my arse. I laughed. This was my normal response to this kind of thing. Sometimes I’d laugh and do it back to them. Anyway, this guy who I was with went mad. He was like ‘How can you let him do that to you?’ and I was like ‘Well because it’s a compliment. He doesn’t mean anything bad by it, it’s just funny.’ I don’t think I had him convinced.
Anyway, about an hour later, my friend Steven came in and he started telling me about how him and his missis had had an argument a few days before. What happened, Steven told me, was that some guy had grabbed her arse and she’d gone mental about it and Steven had said she shouldn’t be mad, she should take it as a compliment, which made her even madder.
Funny old world.
And I will add that if anyone has been sheltered enough to think that it is just guys who are lechers then they need to go on a night out with a crew from a rough northern town. The women are probably worse.
My final gripe with all this is when people say things like ‘women’s clothes don’t have pockets because of the patriarchy and the objectification of women’. Well ok fair enough in like 1863, but now, if you want to have pockets wear practical clothes. If you choose to wear clothes that don’t have pockets because you want to look sexually appealing then your point is null and void. And if you get yourself down to Mint Warehouse on Saturday night where half the club are wearing vests and cycling shorts and bumbags regardless of their gender then the point entirely is null and void.