I think I dealt with the first part of this pretty well. In some ways I was even weirdly glad of it all. I wouldn’t be left homeless or completely broke and, after months of little free time, diminished amounts of work meant that I would have more time for creative projects.
As the weekend approached, however, I fell into a mild depression. On Friday, in place of what would have been our party at 212, we did a live stream from lockdown. I couldn’t get my mind away from the reality of all of this, and couldn’t even get in the zone to do a decent mix.
I am not normally a worrier. I’m pretty logical about things and have often considered myself to be an ‘underthinker’ where some people are ‘overthinkers’. But this had left me with all kinds of questions, and they repeated themselves endlessly in my mind.
Earlier that afternoon I’d been speaking with a friend who has been in total isolation due to a lung problem. He said that he wished he could teleport back to our New Year’s Eve party at The Imaginarium. Me too. The twenties are certainly not roaring this time around.
I think that possibly the main reason I was feeling so grim was because this brought home to me how easy it is to control the masses. An idea that leaves me feeling uneasy.
I am not a conspiracy theorist, and the plain fact is that if there is a global pandemic then the masses do need to be controlled. But a mass hysteria and people falling into line are not life affirming viewing, even if the latter is necessary.
The conspiracy theorists are even more depressing. Confused ramblings that begin with this not being a real thing and end with it all being the fault of 5g are really not helping anyone.
I will listen with an open mind to any arguments about an economic reset – they are interesting, and at least make a good point. But then how would this really help any economy? And didn’t the mysterious, indefinable ‘They’ want us all to consume, consume, consume! …? Have the same forces closed the doors of McDonald’s? Surely not?
And yes, the common cold is a corona virus. But no, this isn’t the same as the common cold.
Discussing Sweden’s approach to this situation with a friend, I said that if it was up to me, I wouldn’t have imposed a lockdown either. My argument was that if the country can afford to shut down almost completely and bail so many people out, then it could afford to provide for people who chose isolation to protect themselves and support businesses that would struggle during this time. In my non-existent universe, I would allow people to make the choice – they would receive support if they felt they needed to isolate, and older people and people with health problems would be advised to do so. But it would be a free choice. My friend said that this was a very extreme right wing view to take. I pointed out that in this fantastical world of mine that doesn’t exist, the NHS would not have been underfunded and would be better equipped to deal with a situation like this.
But anyway, that is all nonsense. Perhaps what I was doing really, was looking at it all from a completely personal perspective. Being a global issue, you really can’t do that.
Thinking over it all now, what I really meant was that I missed the exhilarating feeling of being out amongst the chaos that I’ve sometimes mistakenly thought I hate. I was disturbed by my lovely, vibrant Leeds becoming an eerie ghost town. Two days in, in the sunshine, it was beautiful and peaceful. After a while, when the weather had turned and the novelty worn off, it’s all just seemed a bit grim.
I feel a lot better now. In spite of being a bit down I’d still managed to get a lot done, and it’s always good to be amongst friends. And for all the negatives you can take from this, there are also so many positives. Everyone cheering for the NHS was a high point. Hopefully this will make a lot of people realise what is really valuable.
There are many ways to look at it all. It does disturbingly bring to light how easy it would be to control people, and to cause panic and moral outrage, should you wish to. But we knew that anyway, right?